Day 5

195.4 lbs this morning/afternoon (when I rolled outta bed), can you believe it??

11.4 lbs down in 5 days, with no exercise and no "thought" to diet....just don't eat. What a simple premise. Imagine, if I had done a "regular" low-calorie diet and exercise routine, I would have been lucky to lose this much weight in a month. How can that keep anyone motivated?? I was actually telling myself prior to fasting that if I started dieting and exercising I could reach my goal weight (if lucky) of 145 lbs (+/- a few) by the end of the year. I was planning on getting married next year because I didn't want to be a fat bride.

Fasting is going to get me to my goal in a matter of 2-3 months, easy. I know they say the losses slow down after a while, but from what I've read, "slow" still means about a pound a day.

I must admit that there are times I'm concerned that I'm wrong, and this really isn't healthy for me. I feel ok, but I don't know if my body is. It's hard to be ok with not eating when everything you've ever been raised to know tells you that you must eat a certain amount or you will become malnourished and die or something. Reminding myself how unhealthy I am being morbidly obese sets the stage. I don't belive fasting is healthy for someone in a healthy weight range, certainly not for the period of time I am contemplating. A few days without food doesn't concern me, however.

Imagine what a weak and pathetic species we would be if we became sickly and/or dropped dead due to not eating for just a few days. My fish can deal, so can we.

I believe that every obese to morbidly obese person should fast well before embarking on any weight loss surgeries. How strange it is that having a doctor gut you like a fish and chop 9/10ths of your stomach out, forcing you into a lifelong new highly restricted eating habit is considered "healthier" than fasting. When I'm done fasting, I can eat again. I can eat whatever I want. I have the power to gain it all back if I fall back into my old ways, but I have the abilitly to make choices about what I put into my stomach. I'm not going to upchuck if I make a mistake and have one too many bites of pumpkin pie. Maybe I'll gain a few after a Thanksgiving meal, but I can lose it back again, lickety split by simply fasting for only a few days. The person who has had gastric bypass can only eat a very tiny amount of some of the Thanksgiving dishes placed before them......that's torture to me.

I had considred gastric bypass, but was not fat enough for it. There were times when I thought "geez, I can't seem to lose 1 measly pound, maybe I should just eat my way up until I qualify for gastric bypass". How sad and depressing that I considered having major surgery because I had no success with any other diet. And trust me, I've tried a whole slew of them.

I haven't told anyone about my fast yet. I know they would all be concerned and upset, and try to thwart my efforts. I suppose I must just go it alone and unbothered, not proclaiming my losses to anyone so as not to illicit suspicion. Eventually they will be able to see the results. They still may believe I'm doing it the "healthy" way. I'll probably have to come clean near the end, when I've lost a ridiculous amount in a very short time. Then I'll have people down my throat asking me how I did it. I can imagine the looks of horror on their faces when I tell them. But my results will show for themselves. And they will see me eating again. And I will be thin, attractive, and healthy.

As for my current situation, I am not hungry. There is no real hunger. There are pangs in the evening, more of desire and jealousy than of actual hunger. My body seems to have finally learned that I am not here to cater to it's every tiny whim. That's how I got into this whole mess, and I'm going to get out of it by doing the opposite. I ignore any tiny inkling of desire for food, for boredom for food, for craving for food. My body doesn't need it. My body has at a minimum 60 lbs of pure, fresh, unused fat to gnosh on. So enjoy, dear body. You've spent a couple of years storing up these delicious reserves for times of famine. Guess what? It's famine time! Eat up!

Update: Wanted to update on the entirety of my day. I was very tired and easily fatigued today. I move very slowly. I had a glass of diluted orange juice because I felt a little woozy and thought some sugar would be helpful. It was.

I find myself craving generally healthy foods. I've been dreaming of the day I can get my hands on some sushi, and today I found myself desiring tofu, which I really don't enjoy that much (but occasionally when well prepared it surprises me!). I've also been dreaming about CPK's Chicken Milanese, which is a pounded, breaded chicken breast (actually 3 on the plate, but I couldn't imagine eating all that now) covered in fresh arugula.....yum! I did envy my BF as he devoured an enormous Costco hotdog tonight. It smelled positively divine. But still, my cravings have been more on the healthy end of the spectrum.

I'm very tired and weak. Washing my hair was a chore tonight, and I actually had to take breaks because my arms were tired. Again, I move veeeeeeery slowly.

Reading up some more it seems that sleep and general bedrest is very encouraged during a water fast. Luckily I have the luxury of all this time. I'm not sure that I could really do this if I was expected to be at work every day. I will certainly post if this changes.

As a reminder, I'm not pulling any punches. I'm giving an honest depiction of a water fast. I'm not going to sugar coat anything. If I'm weak, I'm weak. If I'm tired, I'm tired. If I'm bursting with energy and euphoria, so be it. I'll tell it like it is. Unfortunately the internet is littered with dozens of failed or abandoned fasting blogs, so I felt it was my duty to provide a real and complete one. Again, I have a loose goal of 21 days, but I'm not against going less or more, I'm going to focus on what my body tells me. If I do less, I will certainly fast again after a short break, as the fat loss is my ultimate goal. So far stopping and starting seems like it would be harder, having to go through the first few days all over again may be problematic. Hopefully I can do this in one fell swoop and use intermittent fasting as maintenance instead. Here's hoping.